Let’s Make Bacon Healthy Again

I love public restrooms just as much as the next guy, but what frustrates me is that when I push the button and receive the bacon, that bacon coming out of the hand dryer may not be as healthy as the bacon prepared in the comfort of my own home. I’m not frustrated that the bacterial bacon may be unhealthy, I’m frustrated that nobody is doing anything about the uncleanliness of public restrooms. Sanitarians have concluded that bacon is unhealthy due to the bacteria in public restrooms, thus resulting to the boycott of some of the most famous public potties throughout the world and ultimately causing a surplus of bacteria infested bacon, more bacon than the pan can handle. People shouldn’t be complaing too much though, it’s easier to find a table for two for Sunday morning brunch nowadays than it used to be. But I do have a simple solution for all of you health freaks out there who love bacon: Quarantine. Yes, boycotting may be a fancier word than quarantine, but while people are boycotting public restrooms, why not just shut them all down for a week and spray the living daylights out of all that bacteria? Or here is another solution: Put hand dryers in other locations, like in shopping malls or gas stations. Let’s put the healthy back in bacon once and for all!

Jayson Meyer ©

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